Feedback

Three essential ingredients, when sharing feedback.

1. Be specific about what behaviour affected you.
What did the other person do? What exactly triggered your reaction?  Be as specific as possible, so the other person can recognize the behavior and take ownership of it. Do this as objectively as possible so you're less likely to end up in a debate.

Examples: “You were late to our meeting,” “You interrupted me while I was speaking,” or “You dismissed my feelings by giving counter-arguments.”

2. Speak from the heart

In my view, this is the most important aspect of giving feedback effectively. Speaking your truth often creates a genuine dialogue. Speaking from the heart means expressing how something has affected you — how you feel. This is best done with an “I-message,” making it something where there is nothing to argue about. When you're hurt, simply naming and expressing your feelings can already bring a sense of relief.
You're being honest and at the same time, showing that you value the relationship by doing so.

3. Share what you need (if it's not already clear).
Let the other person know what would help you.
Examples: “I really need you to be on time,” or “I need space to finish what I'm saying without being interrupted.”

There's no fixed order for these three components — what matters most is that they’re all included. Make it your own and use your own words.

And of course, feedback isn’t a one-way monologue. It’s a conversation. Both people should be open to listening and understanding each other’s perspective.

Finally, always keep in mind: most people don't intend to hurt you, so keep an open mind and try to approach it with curiosity.

#nonviolentcommunication #feedback #training #conversationalskills #communication